When a lantern /candle is lit, it doesn’t care whether the source of its light is going to run out , it only illuminates . It gives off light to its full capacity and is not concerned with whether it will have enough light for the next hour or not, in that moment it is lit, it’s only worry is to illuminate for that particular moment . such light exposes the heart of a child,who is fully aware of their father’s provision and his inability to disappoint. That’s how I describe this level of generosity. My blesser lit their care lantern and put it out for me and others to see. Some day I hope the fruit of this path of light will be made manifest.
Sometimes we take walks in the forest and do not realize how much pain and hurt we collect while walking until we get back home and begin to bathe – all of a sudden, the itchiness is unveiled , the small cuts are brought to life with the touch of water, and we are drowned with the quick realization that we were hurt during what was meant to be a harmless, fun walk. Don’t get me wrong, happy and fun things do happen on such walks too, but that’s not what i want to focus on today . If you have been in my life long enough, you know i do not know how to panic about things generally. I do get worked up , very worked up , but i’m never in panic mode. Lately, i have been experiencing what i came to learn were panic attacks. Terrible breath-stealing attacks that leave me paralyzed for minutes. I was never like this, i have never been one to sweat over things i can’t control but the more rampant these attacks have became, the more concerned i got and this didn’t help, but rather increased the frequency of the attacks. I digress , Carrying pain is so numbing that sometimes we are merely walking through life hoping things will be okay and avoiding the feels. Such pain moments are difficult to travel alone, we need care capital to overcome them. Every human needs a support system , so strong in such moments to make it out alive. sometimes the spaces we are locked in are too dark , too cold and we are numb to the pain we are experiencing , we need light to get out.
Last weekend a “blesser” shone their light for me to get out of a certain darkness, i was invited to an all-expenses paid trip to Chobe safari Lodge to do nothing. Yes you read that right,….nothing . It wasn’t to go and just rest, it was to go and not think, not feel , not be aware. And it felt so good to do nothing, to abandon every care , to not feel guilty for doing nothing. It felt like life! Do you have people in your life who out-give themselves? People whose wells do not seem to run dry, people who stop for you? Is there a person in your life who will drop everything to make sure you are okay? who wont stop at nothing to have your blood flowing in all the right places ? Who will check in on you always ? Has this taken away the panic attacks, no. But it has made me feel loved and cared for and that , is important to me.
This is a gratitude post. It does feel good to do nothing ! How can one person not tire from giving, of their time, their resources, their wisdom , their everything. How can you keep pouring yourself out even when we don’t deserve it? Your source cannot be quenched and you have demonstrated love to me in ways beyond words. I am grateful. Go out there and be a blesser , lighten someones load this week. Shine your light for someone and help them walk out of a dark space !