“When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”
Let me confess: If I am being led, the rock is at a far distance that the journey to it has only overwhelmed me the more.
Many a time, we try to close ourselves from making certain decisions. The kind of decisions we know it behooves us to make. Much like when you find out you’re with child and can’t explain the father but you know ‘they’ will ask. ‘They’ will speculate and gossip. You tell yourself you have no obligation to answer them. You recite to yourself that the gossip doesn’t matter.
But think of Mary (the one that carried Jesus) and all the thoughts that swirled in her mind after the angelic and his lights vanished leaving them promises and dreams and hopes. The promise and dream of the savior of the world she lived in and knew emerging from her womb. The hope that all will be well including Joseph. What do you do when you feel like you’re carrying a baby you can’t explain anymore? One you might have to lie about or one you aren’t sure you want to keep anymore?
I don’t think I have the answers to what I am asking and you are welcome to share your wisdom and thoughts even as I am about to share mine. Some things don’t’ go away. They can’t be thought or wished away. No magic wand is a match for them.
We have to carry these babies to term. We can neither miscarry nor have still births. We therefore owe it to ourselves and our dreams to identify the right midwives and surround ourselves with people who will do whatever it takes to help us bring forth life. We have to make these (certain) decisions. If not us, then who? It would be a joy if we could dump off some of these or put them on hold till the end of time but such is not the life we have chosen.
It is a life that dreams are sometimes made of. Do you understand how big and valuable your dream is? what are you doing to protect it ? Some dreams turn out heavier than others. The angel is gone. The dream is ended, or at least part of it. The baby is growing within. ‘They’ exist and will do as ‘they’ are meant to. But I will carry these heavy dreams. They are mine! I may not have all the answers now but I am heading to that distant rock and I will find it.